Self-sabotage an Introduction
Have you ever wondered why at times we self-sabotage ourselves, get in the way of our own plans and act against our own best interests? In this insightful article we explore self-limiting and self-handicapping behaviour. Why do we do it? What forms does it take? And how can we break the self-destructive habit of working against our own success. Here at Freedom to Live our commitment to you is to only write about positive life changes, products, and ways of thinking that we are truly passionate about. That said, please be aware that this article contains some affiliate links which with your support, may earn us a commission on purchases, also rest assured that using these links should you choose to, will not result in any additional cost to you
What is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to our unconscious or intentional behaviour patterns that hinder our progress, our success, or our well-being. Although we may have a clear mental picture of who we want to be, how we would like our personal relationships to be, the level of success we want and the level of physical health we would like have; somehow, we find ourselves acting against our goals and so we continually set ourselves up to fail or to only achieve mediocre results.
So, self-sabotaging actions run contrary to our long-term goals and desires and they leave us trapped in a cycle of self-defeat. Sometimes, self-sabotage manifests as procrastination, chronic lateness, unhealthy lifestyle habits, the fear of commitment, or even self-destructive behaviours such as excessive drinking or substance abuse.
While it may seem counterintuitive, it is important to understand that self-sabotage often stems from deep-rooted fears and maladaptive coping mechanisms that lurk within our subconscious minds. Article continues below…
Addicted to the Monkey Mind: Change the Programming That Sabotages Your Life
Are you tired of the negative chatter in your mind holding you back from living your best life?
In his book, J.F. Benoist—a visionary thought leader in the fields of addiction treatment and personal development—uses the journeys of two relatable characters to teach you how to develop a powerful new mindset and finally break the pattern of negative self-talk.
Addicted to the Monkey Mind offers a toolbox of practical skills to shift self-sabotaging, programmed ways of thinking and learn actionable steps to:
- Overcome debilitating habits & addiction
- Resolve relationship issues
- Replace burnout with passion
- Sustain an abiding joy
This game-changing book will revolutionise the way you think and empower you to take control of your own destiny. Don’t let your monkey mind hold you back any longer. It’s time to change the programming and start living the life you’ve always dreamed of. Grab your copy here: Addicted to the Monkey Mind.
Understanding the Motivation to self-sabotage.
Now, you might wonder, “Why on earth would I sabotage myself?” Rest assured, that you are not alone in this perplexity. Scientific studies suggest that self-sabotage often originates from subconscious fears of failure, not feeling worthy of success, or an innate desire to stay within our comfort zones. We often resort to familiar, albeit harmful, patterns due to low self-esteem, anxiety, or simply because change is intimidating. By self-sabotaging, we effectively protect ourselves from potential disappointment or judgment. Paradoxically, this misguided self-protection prevents us from achieving the very goals that could bring lasting fulfilment.
Types of self-sabotage.
Psychodynamic perspective. Self-sabotage can stem from unresolved unconscious conflicts, often rooted in childhood experiences or traumatic events relationship events. For example, a person who experienced rejection or criticism during childhood may unconsciously sabotage their own romantic relationships or their relationships with family or friends as a defence mechanism to avoid potential future hurt or disappointment.
Cognitive-behavioural theory. Self-sabotaging behaviours can be driven by maladaptive thought patterns, irrational beliefs, or negative self-perceptions. Psychologists have linked self-sabotage to cognitive distortions like perfectionism, fear of failure, low self-esteem, or having a fixed inflexible mindset. These cognitive patterns can manifest themselves in self-destructive behaviours, such as procrastination of important actions, self-handicapping by setting unrealistic targets (too high or too low), or excessive negative, self-criticism.
Imposter syndrome. Feeling unworthy of being loved, being praised, or feeling like a fraud despite evidence of competence. This can lead to self-sabotaging actions like sabotaging trust, provoking conflicts with partners, family, or friends, or pushing away potential partners due to fear of intimacy or vulnerability. It can also manifest itself as overworking or avoiding challenging opportunities. Article continues below…
The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery
In the face of life’s challenges we can often feel as though we are climbing an insurmountable mountain. In her ground-breaking book international bestselling author
This is a book about self-sabotage. Why we do it, when we do it, and how to stop doing it—for good.
oexisting but conflicting needs, create self-sabotaging behaviours. This is why we resist efforts to change, often until they feel completely futile. But by extracting crucial insight from our most damaging habits, building emotional intelligence by better understanding our brains and bodies, releasing past experiences at a cellular level, and learning to act as our highest potential future selves, we can step out of our own way and into our potential.
For centuries, the mountain has been used as a metaphor for the big challenges we face, especially ones that seem impossible to overcome. To scale our mountains, we actually have to do the deep internal work of excavating trauma, building resilience, and adjusting how we show up for the climb. In the end, it is not the mountain we master, but ourselves. Grab your copy here: The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery
Self-Sabotage Quiz
Alice Boyes Ph.D. writing for Psychology Today gives examples of self-sabotage as:
- Expecting yourself to succeed in making life changes without designating any time or mental space to accomplish them.
- Seeing your capacity to change as being dependent on other people’s behaviour. For example, you would exercise more, lose weight, or make better spending choices if your spouse was more supportive and on board with your aims.
- You are a perfectionist who is dismissive of incremental improvements, and you are only satisfied when 100 percent of a problem is fixed. Thereby stealing your own ability to take joy in natural gradual, achievements.
- You are “too busy chasing cows to build a fence.” Meaning that you make yourself too busy to come up with processes or systems that would help you to better manage your time and thereby ensure success.
This brief quiz can help you to identify your patterns — in many cases, once you know what your patterns are, you’ll see obvious avenues for change. Take the short quiz here: Psychology Today, Self-Sabotage Quiz.
What are the Consequences of Self-Sabotage?
The consequences of self-sabotage can be serious and far-reaching; affecting various aspects of our lives. It takes a toll on our mental and physical well-being, leading to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, feelings of regret, depersonalization (also called self-alienation), social isolation, burnout and compromised health. (1). Our relationships suffer when we consistently push away potential partners or sabotage our existing connections due to our deep-rooted insecurities. Professionally, self-sabotage can hinder career advancements, limit financial growth, and impede our personal development. These outcomes often reinforce the cycle of self-sabotage, and so create a vicious cycle that perpetuates further damage and diminishes our overall quality of life.
Breaking the Chains of self-sabotage.
The first step towards breaking free from self-sabotage is understanding our own damaging patterns and triggers. By becoming aware and acknowledging them, we gain the power to consciously override self-sabotaging behaviours. Taking a brief Self-Sabotage quiz from Psychology Today may be useful in helping you to identify what your patterns are. You can find a link to the quiz at the end of this article.
Once you have awareness, the next phase is to challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs. Often, self-sabotage is driven by self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. The goal here is to gradually replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations, to change your self-limiting subconscious programming with healthy programming, and to replace a negative inner voice, with a strong clear supportive narrative. It is advisable to seek outside help with this stage of your transformation. What is needed are fresh healthy ideas to replace the old redundant patterns ways of thinking. Article continues below…
Mind The Chatter: Master Your Inner Voice, Gain a Positive Mindset and Get Your Power Back!
In Mind the Chatter, author Lise Cartwright asks the fundamental question, ‘Is your inner voice crushing your dreams’?
She goes on to say, “Neville and I have been together for a long time. In fact, it kind of feels like I have known him forever like he has been part of my life from the beginning…When we first met, he was a real negative Nelly, a pessimist and definitely, a glass-always-empty kind of guy. And today? Well, Neville can still be a little annoying and negative but it doesn’t matter because I’m the one who’s in charge, not him.
Who is Neville? He is my inner voice. I am sure you have met him too. He is annoying. He is often the voice you will hear telling you to stay inside your comfort zone, play it safe, keep it real. It is time to tell Neville to suck it!
Reading Mind the Chatter, you will learn how to deal with your own version of Neville. You will learn why it is important to name your inner voice and how to take back your life and make headway on achieving your dreams.”
The author notes: “This book is written specifically for women. This is because the author is a woman and is speaking from her own personal experience dealing with her negative voice. If you’re a man, know that this isn’t to exclude you, it’s just that there are specific ways I’ve dealt with my own inner voice that are women-specific 🙂 You will still find value in the book, but just know that I refer to women throughout the book.” Grab your copy here: Mind The Chatter: Master Your Inner Voice, Gain a Positive Mindset and Get Your Power Back!
Conclusion
Stopping self-sabotage is an ongoing process. Be patient, persevere, and believe in your ability to change. With determination, self-awareness, and external support you can break free from self-sabotaging behaviours and live a fulfilling life. Cultivating a habit of self-care is vitally important. Learn to treat yourself as precious, worthy of care, worthy of love and become a best friend to yourself. Do this despite how you may feel about yourself initially. Do it until it becomes a habit and then continue practicing self-care until it becomes unconscious behaviour and replaces your old programming.
Cultivating self-compassion and challenging negative self-talk will help to reprogram our subconscious beliefs, replacing them with empowering thoughts. Seeking support from therapists, coaches, or support groups can provide invaluable assistance in identifying the underlying causes and developing effective coping strategies. If this is not practical, use good books and accredited Youtube videos.
Remember to take care of your physical and mental well-being as self-sabotaging behaviour can be amplified when you are stressed, exhausted, or neglecting your self-care. Schedule and Incorporate activities that promote relaxation and self-compassion. Activities such as exercise, yoga, meditation, or social activities like walking, learning to dance or spending time in nature will all provide tangible mental benefits.
Developing a strong support system is important. If possible, surround yourself with people who believe in you and who encourage your personal growth. Remember, it is not the quantity of people around you but the quality. Seek guidance from a trusted friend, a mentor, or a therapist. They can provide valuable insights and help you explore alternative perspectives.
Focus on setting achievable goals and creating a plan to reach them. Break them down into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your accomplishments along the way, reinforcing your self-worth and motivation. Hold yourself accountable by keeping track of your progress. Journaling your thoughts and actions can provide clarity and help you recognize any re-emerging self-sabotaging patterns. If you make a mistake, be kind to yourself, learn from it, and commit to doing better next time.
Be tenacious and good luck on your journey to self liberation and growth.
Sincerely. Phil Freedom.
Additional resources and references
Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear £7.58: https://amzn.eu/d/h6Vs01q
Find a local counsellor (UK). https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
Hypnotherapy: Positivity; Confidence, Resilience, Motivation by Paul McKenna £10.19 https://amzn.eu/d/f7sCvjO
Article: 30 Types of self-sabotage and what to do about it. psychologytoday.com
Article: What Is Self-Sabotaging, And Am I Doing It? forbes.com
